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North Park After Dark Aug 21, 2014 Over 30 businesses, from galleries to boutiques, will remain open until 9 p.m. and offering specials, refreshments and entertainment. 79 other events on Thursday, August 21
Re-casting the original trilogy with local politicos
How one case study could potentially transform City Heights
Former customs agent got more than seven years for smuggling drugs and people into the U.S., but mysterious events are raising questions about the government’s prosecution
Well, That Was Awkward
Spooky hell, urine baptisms and other memories exorcised by the Broadway play
Joe Swanberg’s new independent film starring Anna Kendrick leads our rundown of movies screening around town


Home » Articles »   By Edwin Decker
Wednesday, July 25,2012
Sordid Tales

I don’t want a stronger sex drive!

Taking control of the bald-headed rickshaw boss

By Edwin Decker
I was sitting at the bar at The Tilted Stick, watching the muted television with my friend Jim, when an infomercial for Cenegenics came on. 
Wednesday, July 11,2012
Sordid Tales

I’m not fine with fines for unrefined words

Criminalizing naughty language is naughty

By Edwin Decker
My last column got me in a bit of trouble because of a controversial word that begins with the letter “N” and ends with the letter “R you out of your everloving mind, white boy?”
Wednesday, June 27,2012
Sordid Tales

Is it ever OK for a cracka to say ‘nigga’?

Let’s take that word from the bigots once and for all

By Edwin Decker
Reasonable minds can disagree about whether it’s socially acceptable for people, Caucasians especially, to use the N-word. And while there are sound arguments to be made on both sides, my arguments are sounder.
Wednesday, June 13,2012
Sordid Tales

It’s about time they took away your Big Gulps

Bloomberg’s move exposes the hypocrisy of guys like Boehner, Ryan and Hannity

By Edwin Decker
Mayor Michael Bloomberg is rightfully concerned about the toll obesity is taking on society and has decided to do something about it. And I gotta tell ya, I’m so freaking happy that I’ve been farting multicolored confetti out of my ass since I heard about it.
Wednesday, May 30,2012
Sordid Tales

Prayercasting is for poseurs

There’s only one real, true way to pray

By Edwin Decker
Prayercasting, also known as “strategic intercession,” is my new favorite religious concept at which to laugh. Unlike traditional prayer (you know, kneeling bedside with folded hands asking God, in a creepy, whispery praying-voice, to give you stuff ), prayercasting is a more strategic way to get your prayers heard
Wednesday, May 16,2012
Sordid Tales

My retort to the Ed Decker 50th Birthday Roast

I’m breaking the rules and having my say, dammit!

By Edwin Decker
For those who don’t know, last Sunday, my wife produced the Ed Decker 50th Birthday Roast held at Winstons Beach Club. It was great, and, by “great,” I mean the way being shackled to the Judas Chair for a two-hour Spanish Inquisition is great.
Wednesday, May 2,2012
Sordid Tales

Becoming fluent in safety-speak

Ted Nugent, Hillary Rosen and the overreactionistas

By Edwin Decker
Oh, yes, I’m amused by Ted Nugent—The Noodge, as I like to call him—for having saltpeter in his pecker and gunpowder where his brain should be, but not nearly as amused as I am by the professional overreactionistas
Wednesday, April 18,2012
Sordid Tales

‘America, love it or leave it’

Remember, it goes both ways

By Edwin Decker
The phrase “America, love it or leave it” is what’s known as a false dilemma because it supposes only two options when actually they are bottomless.
Wednesday, April 4,2012
Sordid Tales

Acute Server Burnout Disorder

Only you can help prevent its spread

By Edwin Decker
Acute Server burnout is a disorder from which it is difficult to recover, especially in the final stages—when you hate the bar and the bands, the funbuzzes become more murky and stygian and your clammy lizard claws are ready to carve out the organs of the first customer who stiffs you.
Wednesday, March 21,2012
Sordid Tales

Code Red is a must for anyone living with a woman

Meet the iPhone app that will probably save your life

By Edwin Decker
Code Red is an ingenious little tool that warns you when your wife or girlfriend—or any cohabitating female for that matter—is about to have her period.