Mentoring a horny, drunken Pacific Beach baboon

Lesson 1: Don’t hit on the bartender

It was on a busy Saturday night, in a bar on Garnet Avenue, when I unknowingly stooled up beside a horny, drunken Pacific Beach baboon.

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Tuesday, January 8,2013
Sordid Tales

Why recycling is a waste of money, time and energy

A defense of conservatism

By Edwin Decker

As a fence-sitting political independent, I’ve taken a lot of grief over the years from my mostly Democratic friends who say it’s a copout to avoid picking a side.

Wednesday, December 26,2012
Sordid Tales

Who’s really behind the war on Christmas?

It’s not what you think

By Edwin Decker

It occurred to me recently that Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity et al. are right. There actually is a war on Christmas, only it’s not being waged by secular progressives, as they claim.

Monday, December 10,2012
Sordid Tales

The secret meaning of ‘The Twelve Days of Christmas’

The truth is, no one knows

By Edwin Decker

As a child, I was always fascinated by some of the mysterious and often archaic lyrics of traditional Christmas songs. For instance, what the criminy is a bobtail in “Jingle Bells”?

Tuesday, November 27,2012
Sordid Tales

Everything in the universe is natural, except Nicki Minaj

A syllogistic refutation of the Family Research Council and its ilk

By Edwin Decker

On Oct. 3, Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council was on Mike Huckabee’s radio show dropping some homophobic horseshit about how gays will never have a “sense of self-fulfillment” in their lives because homosexuality is “outside of how God created men and women.”

Wednesday, November 14,2012
Sordid Tales

Why hurricane Sandy proved that God’s switched parties

You can’t have it both ways, Christian right

By Edwin Decker

Ahem. Sorry, my throat is a little scratchy from all the cheerin' and a-yellin' I did on election night. Allow me to clear it again. Ahem.

Monday, October 29,2012
Sordid Tales

Football is the standard for vicarious sexual metaphors

When it comes to kissing and telling, baseball doesn’t hit any home runs

By Edwin Decker

As a married man who lives vicariously through the sexual exploits of his single friends, I am growing continually dissatisfied with the baseball metaphor as being the standard for when your buddy shares how far he went with his most recent date.

Wednesday, October 17,2012
Sordid Tales

I do not recognize your authority to stop me from killing myself

Refuting the kooky claims against doctor-assisted suicide

By Edwin Decker

This year, the Massachusetts “Death with Dignity” Initiative, also known as Question 2, will appear on the state’s general-election ballot.

Wednesday, October 3,2012
Sordid Tales

If I depict the prophet, what’s that got to do with you?

Identifying the gaping holes in the extremists’ thinking

By Edwin Decker

“I issue a fatwa and call on the Muslim youth in America and Europe to kill… everyone [involved with] the film,” said an Egyptian cleric about The Innocence of Muslims.

Monday, September 17,2012
Sordid Tales

No more insanely repeating the definition of insanity

Think twice before believing everything you hear

By Edwin Decker

Lounging at a cocktail table with the gang, my friend V. was griping about her significant other. For some reason, the guy wouldn’t stop doing this thing that was pissing her off and acted surprised every time she got mad about it.