My retort to the Ed Decker 50th Birthday Roast

I’m breaking the rules and having my say, dammit!

For those who don’t know, last Sunday, my wife produced the Ed Decker 50th Birthday Roast held at Winstons Beach Club. It was great, and, by “great,” I mean the way being shackled to the Judas Chair for a two-hour Spanish Inquisition is great.

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Wednesday, May 2,2012
Sordid Tales

Becoming fluent in safety-speak

Ted Nugent, Hillary Rosen and the overreactionistas

By Edwin Decker

Oh, yes, I’m amused by Ted Nugent—The Noodge, as I like to call him—for having saltpeter in his pecker and gunpowder where his brain should be, but not nearly as amused as I am by the professional overreactionistas

Wednesday, April 18,2012
Sordid Tales

‘America, love it or leave it’

Remember, it goes both ways

By Edwin Decker

The phrase “America, love it or leave it” is what’s known as a false dilemma because it supposes only two options when actually they are bottomless.

Wednesday, April 4,2012
Sordid Tales

Acute Server Burnout Disorder

Only you can help prevent its spread

By Edwin Decker

Acute Server burnout is a disorder from which it is difficult to recover, especially in the final stages—when you hate the bar and the bands, the funbuzzes become more murky and stygian and your clammy lizard claws are ready to carve out the organs of the first customer who stiffs you.

Wednesday, March 21,2012
Sordid Tales

Code Red is a must for anyone living with a woman

Meet the iPhone app that will probably save your life

By Edwin Decker

Code Red is an ingenious little tool that warns you when your wife or girlfriend—or any cohabitating female for that matter—is about to have her period.

Tuesday, March 6,2012
Sordid Tales

All we are saying, is give cheese a chance

Don’t be such a snob—you might actually enjoy cover music

By Edwin Decker

So, while this issue of CityBeat is devoted to all the excellent original bands of San Diego (CityBeat staffers are notorious OMSs), I tip my hat to the red-headed stepchildren of the scene, and will hopefully change some minds to boot

Wednesday, February 22,2012
Sordid Tales

It’s time to forgive Eli Manning, San Diego

The quarterback that got away just wasn’t that into you

By Edwin Decker

It’s been two weeks since my beloved New York Giants took Super Bowl XLVI, and still the pernicious missives from my Giants-Hating Chargers-fan friends keep rolling in.

Wednesday, February 8,2012
Sordid Tales

In defense of texting

Don’t try to tell me nobody talks to nobody anymore

By Edwin Decker

I’m like Rachel in the movie The Ring. Whenever the phone rings, my heart stops for fear the caller might be a little girl with wet, black hair who will want to talk about band camp for an hour. This is why I am so grateful for all the communication technology we have today.

Wednesday, January 25,2012
Sordid Tales

Jay-Z’s song about his new baby blows

But don’t all songs about babies blow?

By Edwin Decker

Whether you believe newborn babies are miraculous gifts from God or subterranean alien vampire-rats bent on draining your life force, can we at least agree that songs about babies tend to suck rusty buckets of contaminated amniotic fluid?

Wednesday, January 11,2012
Sordid Tales

Cee Lo’s revision of ‘Imagine’ was perfectly fine, except that it sucked

Changing John Lennon’s lyrics wasn’t the problem

By Edwin Decker

How is it possible that all the over-reactionistas and followers of The John Lennon Church of Latter Day Music Snobs don’t recognize that redesigning old songs is an exciting and unpredictable part of the music scene.