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Home / Blogs / Last Blog on Earth
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Wednesday, Dec 21, 2011 - Last Blog on Earth | News

Tommy Hough, Jay Porter and two CityBeat staffers run for president

As Labor Council leader wusses out, four locals fill out paperwork to get their names on the Arizona ballot

By Dave Maass
rolland Notary public Sara Honadle certifies CityBeat editor Dave Rolland's application to be on the Arizona presidential primary ballot

Lorena Gonzalez, CEO of the local labor umbrella group, decided not to fill out paperwork last night to run for president in Arizona after all—but four other locals did, including CityBeat editor David Rolland. 

Here's the back story: To get on the Arizona presidential primary ballot, all a qualified candidate's got to do is send in a notarized, two-page nomination form. CityBeat made it even easier by recruiting notary public Sara Honadle from Coast Law Group to certify the documents for free at El Take It Easy in North Park. 

El Take It Easy owner Jay Porter submitted his name for the ballot, telling CityBeat he'll make the gimlet the official White House cocktail. Rolland and CityBeat advertising account executive Jason Noble also filled out the paperwork. 

Local environmentalist Tommy Hough, however, came prepared with a speech to outline his platform for office:

All the candidates are running on the Republican ballot; the Democrats have foregone a presidential primary since President Barack Obama is the incumbent. The prospect of being associated with the GOP seems to be the reason why several interested leaders, including Gonzalez and local crooner Grampadrew dropped out.

Our friends at Tucson Weekly are also running "Project White House," a reality journalism competition where dark-horse presidential candidates can compete for the paper's endorsement. You can read more about that here

We had Hough fill out a questionnaire on his candidacy. Here are some of his answers: 

Occupation: Media professional and outdoor advocate

Hometown: Pittsburgh, PA

Favorite food: Salmon

99% or 1%: 98.6%

First choice for running mate: Miguel Halloran 

Make us a campaign promise: Jan Brewer to be declared an illegal alien. 

Spaceships appear above every major U.S. city. How would you handle it? 

Embrace and hand over Donald Trump. 

Name two people you would bring together in a beer summit. 

Grover Norquist and Cornel West

Priority evaluation: Please order the following threats in terms of biggest priority to least. 

1. Unemployment

2. Climate Change

3. Iran 

4. Food recalls 

5. Piranhas

6. Al Shabaab

Issues (most cases, the choices were For, Against or 'It's complicated')

Abortion - It's complicated

Guns - It's complicated

Death Penalty - It's complicated

Marijuana - For 

Israel or Palestine - It's complicated

Justin Bieber - Against

Waterboarding - Against

Gays in the military - For 

Bigger threat to the institution of marriage, gays or Kim Kardashian - Kardashian 

Obamacare - For

Boehner's tears: Passionate, wussy or fake? - Passionate

Border fence - Against

English as the U.S. official language - It's complicated

Amnesty for undocumented immigrants - It's complicated 

Koch brothers - Against

Net neutrality - For 

Increased defense spending - Against

Should text message abbreviations be taught in schools? - No

Childhood vaccinations - For 

Disclosure - We asked him to disclose any history that might reflect negatively on his ethics. 

- Will not eat sushi

- Will not ride rollercoasters or skydive

- Will re-name Arizona Cardinals the "Arizona Haboob"