Admit it. You have a little bit of a Christmas fetish. The allure of snow boots, the tactility of white fur, the way that a red robe hangs loosely off the flesh. You feel a little dirty when visions of sugar plums dance through your head, a lasting scar from catching mommy kissing Santa Claus. You could seek therapy, or you could indulge your yulephilia with an old-fashioned holiday striptease from Keyhole Cabaret. The burlesque dinner-theater troupe presents its Christmas-themed adult show, “Arctic Exotica,” on Saturday, Dec. 22, at Stout Pub (1125 Sixth Ave., Downtown). General admission is $25, with VIP packages that include a three-course dinner, ranging from $65 to $80, depending on seating area. Doors open at 8 p.m. Get on the naughty list in advance.
Holiday shopping is one of the most annoying things ever. Mall insanity alone is enough to make you want to do all your shopping online at home, where it’s quiet and you don’t have to wear pants. But if you want to shop in a more interesting environment while also supporting small businesses, might we suggest the Arts and Trees Winter Festival? This holiday shopping event takes place on Saturday, Dec. 22, starting at 1 p.m. Pack your passport for this one, though, since it’s happening at Zebras Mexican Pub (Calle Sexta 2015 in Zona Rio) in Tijuana. Why is this shopping event worth a trip to Mexico? As previously mentioned, it supports local, independent artists and businesses in Tijuana, with a focus on sustainability. You can fine handcrafted art, jewelry, clothing and more. And, the bazaar will have live music throughout the day from bands like Glasmus, Hot Lunch, Love & the Skulls and many others, as well as tasty food, wine and cold cerveza for sale. It won’t just be crossing names off your gift list. It will be a party. Who doesn’t like a party?
Lots of folks are partying it up on Friday, Dec. 21, because, it's, like, the end of the world, right? (Admit it; you're stockpiling canned foods.) Whether you're looking to have a last celebration, or a mock others' last celebrations, we can think of few better spots to be than Hamilton's Tavern (1521 30th St. in South Park). For End of Days: A Vertical Epic Event, they're offering each of Stone's Vertical Epic Ales—an annual release since 2003 (learn more about it here). The beers will be available three ways: a five-ounce pour, a "Belgian" pour, or in a limited-edition commemorative glass if you're one of the first 100 people to show up. From 3 p.m. to 2 a.m. (2 a.m.? Won't we all be dead by then?) Stone Brewmaster Mitch Steele will be on hand. Our suggestion: get there early and stake out a table. No better last meal than Hamilton's pulled-chicken wimpy sandwich.
Consider a juice fast leading up to the “End of Days” dinner at Saltbox (1047 Fifth Ave., Downtown), because Chef Simon Dolinky (pictured left) is planning a menu around the idea that there will be no tomorrow. The Mayan calendar hullabaloo has inspired a five-course menu with each dish representing the notion of a last meal—fried chicken being one of ’em. Course descriptions won’t be revealed until the night-of, Friday, Dec. 21; reservations are strongly recommended and guests will be seated at a communal table (what better way to enjoy a last meal?). The cost is $60 per person—drinks not included—and since this is no healthy affair, opt for the cocktail pairings by mixologist Erin Williams to wash those delicious calories down.