In defense of texting

Don’t try to tell me nobody talks to nobody anymore

I’m like Rachel in the movie The Ring. Whenever the phone rings, my heart stops for fear the caller might be a little girl with wet, black hair who will want to talk about band camp for an hour. This is why I am so grateful for all the communication technology we have today.

Wednesday, January 25,2012
Sordid Tales

Jay-Z’s song about his new baby blows

But don’t all songs about babies blow?

By Edwin Decker

Whether you believe newborn babies are miraculous gifts from God or subterranean alien vampire-rats bent on draining your life force, can we at least agree that songs about babies tend to suck rusty buckets of contaminated amniotic fluid?

Wednesday, January 11,2012
Sordid Tales

Cee Lo’s revision of ‘Imagine’ was perfectly fine, except that it sucked

Changing John Lennon’s lyrics wasn’t the problem

By Edwin Decker

How is it possible that all the over-reactionistas and followers of The John Lennon Church of Latter Day Music Snobs don’t recognize that redesigning old songs is an exciting and unpredictable part of the music scene.

Wednesday, December 28,2011
Sordid Tales

Indefinite detention definitely will be made law indefinitely

Obama has made me so mad—I just... I just... Grrr!

By Edwin Decker

The bill is called the National Defense Authorization Act (NDAA) for Fiscal Year 2012, and it basically does what all previous NDAA bills have done—fund the military—the only difference being that this one has a provision that desecrates the Constitution, the founders, civil liberties, puppies and everything else that is right and good about the U.S.A.

Wednesday, December 14,2011
Sordid Tales

Three reasons why the world won’t end on Dec. 21, 2012

Breaking down the crackpots’ analysis of the Maya calendars

By Edwin Decker

This is why I can’t wait for Dec. 22, 2012. Because there will be not one, but thousands of kooky soothsayers who will have to backpedal like hell once Mayageddon is proven to be horse shit. And I know it’s horse shit for three reasons:

Wednesday, November 30,2011
Sordid Tales

Men, it’s time we stopped throwing each other under the bus

Don’t go rogue against The Brotherhood—unite!

By Edwin Decker

What is going rogue, you ask? Going rogue is buying or doing something so wonderful, thoughtful, bla bla bla for your wife, that it causes all the women of the inner circle to blurt to their husbands, “How come you don’t buy me no iPad!?”

Wednesday, November 16,2011
Sordid Tales

I’m re-re-really disgusted with the re-reaffirmation of In God We Trust as the national motto

A member of Congress misrepresents opinion of deceased justice to make a dubious point

By Edwin Decker

On Nov. 1, Congress passed a non-binding resolution to reaffirm “In God We Trust” as the national motto. There are two problems with this. The first, and most glaring, is that “In God We Trust” is a terrible motto.

Tuesday, November 1,2011
Sordid Tales

Will marijuana consumption double or triple if made legal? I doubt it

Fuddy Duddies pull statistics out of their butts to make a point

By Edwin Decker

Don’t you hate when people make declarative, predictive statements about things that might happen in the future when everybody knows that nobody knows what the future holds.

Wednesday, October 19,2011
Sordid Tales

What if Mormons were mainstream and Christians the fringe?

Pondering the comments of those who think Mitt Romney’s religions is kooky and others aren’t

By Edwin Decker

I always get a big yuck out of these mainstream-religion types who scoff at fringe religions as being preposterous, which is like junkies scoffing at tweakers for being addicted to a more damaging drug.

Wednesday, October 5,2011
Sordid Tales

I love gay people!

A lesbian bridesmaid responds to charges of homophobia

By Edwin Decker

While I received a lot of support from members of the LGBT community, a lot more sent very angry, accusatory missives, all of which boiled down to one or all of the following questions 1. Is Ed Decker a homophobe? 2. Is it ever permissible to use bigoted epithets? 3. Does Ed Decker owe an apology?