Massage Envy, in a way, is the massage industry’s answer to Starbucks: No matter what part of the county you’re in, you’re never too far away from one of this chain’s clinics.

You can’t miss Smilin’ Jack—he’s the skinny guy with the big, toothy grin and an accordion strapped to his chest.

I love goat meat—not only is it delicious; it’s also one of the healthiest meats in the world. I prefer it in big chunks, right off the bone, served atop a heaping pile of spiced rice.

Who gets all the glory at the San Diego Zoo? Pandas. Everybody wants to hug a cute and cuddly looking panda—but they’ll rip your face off!

So, what is that smell, exactly? I haven’t been able to find a proper answer, but, according to a few librarian blogs, it’s the pungent aroma of books essentially rotting away very slowly.

We played Mr. Potato-head, trying one sensory organ at a time and following each to the best things about San Diego.

Have you ever purchased a candle that was so beautiful you didn’t want to light it because it would melt away? If so, Seaport Village’s California Candle Gallery has the perfect solution for your finicky design needs.

Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but do not forget: The Supreme Leader’s eye is beholding you 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 3,652 days a decade. In other words, taste may be relative, but since we are all relatives, brothers and sisters, we must agree to agree on what’s excellent in the visual, conceptual and performance arts. The following list of custodians of culture are marked with the leader’s formal approval.

It was Marx who said that religion is the opiate of the masses, to which our Supreme Leader responded, “But beer is the beer of the masses!” The leader promised a new day when the Party would be a party, and that promise holds true with this list of approved locations for congregation. All our dearest ruler asks is that, when you’re boozing by the beach, pour a little on the sand to remember our fallen comrades who died fighting for our right to par-tay. Remember, however, that to prevent further cultural deterioration, the Generalissimo has issued a decree outlawing both the Roger Rabbit and the Running Man, but not the Electric Slide.

As a loyal party member, you will agree that equality is not only in our hearts and minds, but also on our tongues and filling our stomachs. How can we expect to prosper when some of us must trudge through the day having supped on bland blocks of processed chik-steak, while others toil strongly, like iron champions, with bellies full of spicy tuna rolls and scallop tacos? The answer, comrades, is we cannot: We must have gourmet and justice for all! The Fine Dining Authority issues the following approved restaurants that are compatible with the Chairman’s Municipal Nutritive and Consumptive Standards.