Enrique on magic and cradle robbers

Sebastian works his magic
- Photo by Enrique Limon

Oenophiles, magic enthusiasts and cradle robbers commingled at Old Town’s Wine Cabana (2539 Congress St.) last Friday for an evening of vino and card tricks, the latter courtesy of local magician Sebastian.

Dubbed Intimate Miracles: A Close-Up Magic Show and promoted by the San Diego Cougar Encounters Meetup group, a soothing combination of spray-tan residue, hairspray and synthetic estrogen was in the air.
Chairs were placed in just about every available nook to maximize space at the packed event.

“I don’t like my back turned to a magician,” the girl sitting both in front of and facing me said. “You never know what might happen.”

Since we were going to be staring at each other the whole time, I decided to make small talk and asked her if she was part of the Cougars.

Big mistake.

“Oh my God! No! How dare you?” she screamed back. “I can’t believe you just said that. I’m only 31!”

“No, no,” I responded. “It’s just that you look a like the girl on the Cougar meetup group that posted the event online. She was a brunette and gorgeous, just like you.”

She remained unconvinced and told me she’s a “cub,” which, in my world, would mean she’s a young bear-daddy in training. Thinking I should stop the questions and feeling a need to diffuse the situation by taking notes, I popped the cap off my Bic pen. It projectiled toward her, docking right between her boobs with uncanny precision.

From that moment on, there was nowhere to go but up.

The lights dimmed slightly, opener Raymond Singson—who claimed to have learned everything he knows “from Google and Wikipedia” and defined his act as “a combination of magic and bullshit”—warmed up the room.

With everyone’s eyes on his hands, I focused on his crotch, as he was either A) hung like an Anaconda or B) more likely, had stuffed his pants (a trick I know my way around).

The mystery unsolved, headliner Sebastian, who’s performed everywhere from Poway to Patagonia, took the stage. Armed with a deck of cards, a black-felt-topped folding table and a heavy dose of innuendo, the 19-year veteran did his thing.

“At this point in the show, the ladies start wondering what else I can do with my hands,” he said halfway through his set, inciting catcalls from the Real Housewives of San Diego in the crowd.

The evening reached its crescendo as he dazzled the room by reproducing the classic linking-rings trick using nothing but playing cards.

“I once had a lady approach me and ask if I could do this trick for her naked,” he said. “Talk about nothing up my sleeve.”