Enrique on Babycakes Bar

With all this talk about cupcakes, I was forced to check my calendar and make sure it wasn’t 2006.

Though most modern gay men will shriek at the sight of a sugar-and-lard-topped lump of carbs, the fact is, the community has a longstanding love affair with snack cakes (proof of this is evident in the giggling that names like Twinkies, Sno Balls and Ho Hos spark when peppered into everyday conversation). So, it’s only natural that a gay man would solve the ageold question—where can one get both a sugar buzz and a real buzz in one sitting? Enter Babycakes Bar (3766 Fifth Ave.), Hillcrest’s cupcakes and cocktails cathedral.

Located in a charming Craftsman-turned-half-cupcake-shop-half-bar and with an all-’90s-dance anthems-all-the-time soundtrack, it’s the type of place where bad patrons get 86’d, and the really bad ones might end up getting 69’d.

“I think we’re the happiest place south of Disneyland, I really do,” co-owner Christopher Stavros boasts on the business’ website.

And while libations like the Sticky & Sweet Tea and the Masterbaker Shot are a sure tribute to the locale’s tongue-in-cheek nature, the baked goods they can be paired with in the adjoining bakery seal the deal with names like the raspberry-filled Black Bottom and its lighter-shade counterpart, the White Bottom.

“Sadly, no Latino bottoms in sight,” the boy behind the counter sighed on Saturday night. “But the night is young.”

“What are you in the mood for?” bartender Mark asked.

“Syphilis,” I answered swiftly.

I’d left my editing process at home, and he was not amused. Slowly but surely, however, he warmed up.

Sipping on a Happy Ending shot (a whipped-cream-topped Kahluaand-Bailey’s mix), I fixated on a bargoer going to town on an éclair. Described by the establishment as “explosive sweetness in your face,” the treat’s official name is the Chocolate Vibrator.

“Just the tip,” his friends kept repeating as the creme filling slowly trickled down his chin.