Reports from the scene

Photo by James Norton
’Twas the night before Christmas Eve, when all through Voyeur
Not a hipster was purring, and some were downright bored.
Holiday decorations were hung in the club with such care,
In hopes that a sexy crowd soon would be there.
When all of a sudden there arose such a clamor,
Two girls with camel toe became all the chatter.
As they sat on poor Santa’s lap, everyone wanted to shout,
“When you go clubbing, make sure your lady parts don’t hang out.”

—Santa Combs

Locals Only

Jazz trumpeter Gilbert Castellanos announced on Monday via his MySpace page that his Dec. 29 gig at the Onyx Room would be the last Jazz Jam night. The weekly Tuesday-night gig had become a jazz staple for more than 10 years, with Castellanos playing with a rotating stable of local jazz musicians. Although he didn’t say why the night is ending, he did promise that he’d find a new home for it. CityBeat could not reach Castellanos by press time. 

Transfer may have just released their new album and returned from tour, but two of the members are certainly staying busy. As we’ve previously reported, guitarist Jason Cardenas has been playing in the instrumental rock group Boyscout (see “If I Were U” on Page 22), and now drummer Michael Cooper has started a new electro-rock project called Hyena. With Bryan Stratman of Crash Encore on bass and keys and Cooper on drums and vocals, the two play what was described as “sex music, driving music, dance juju” by Cooper. “It’s different than anything we’ve done in the past. Let’s say drug music.”

The Dum Dum Girls may be hard at work on their debut LP for Sup Pop, but the band found time to record a holiday-themed song with Crocodiles. “Merry Christmas Baby (Please Don’t Die)” debuted on their MySpace site a few days before the holiday.

When Ben Johnson wasn’t perfecting his rhyming skills as Grammatical B (again, see “If I Were U” on Page 22), he found time to record a video with his band The Long and Short of It. The video, for the song “Turtle Island 2012,” will be released on the band’s MySpace page on Jan. 2.

Night Moves

You know, there are other nights this week aside from New Year’s Eve. Here’s a little guide to the Scene Wolf-approved after-dark events we’re either crazy about or just really looking forward that don’t fall on Dec. 31.

Chris Garcia, Tara Brooks @ Voyeur: Garcia has a residency at Drais in Las Vegas, and while his house remixes aren’t exactly mind-blowing, they get the job done. That is, if said job is getting the ladies to dance all sexy-like. I’ve seen videos. Wednesday, Dec. 30.

“Milk and Cookies” @ El Dorado: I’m not exactly sure what local DJ Saul Q has in store for his new night at El-D, but the guy has already proven that he’s incapable of throwing a bad party, so I’m just gonna go with it. Friday, Jan. 1.

DJ Melo-D @ 207: Finally, a kick-ass hip-hop DJ at the Hard Rock Hotel instead of those Jammin’ Z90 throwaways they usually hire. This guy practically reinvented turntablism and scratching with the Beat Junkies crew back in the mid ’90s, so expect a lot more than just your standard fading from one top-40 rap song into another. Friday, Jan. 1.

“Fashion Whore” @ Ruby Room: I went to the last Whore event and, surprisingly, had a blast. I expect to once again, especially because I can slip into my tight suit for the mod theme and check out hot models sporting fashion from San Francisco designer Dyno-Solo (think hipster classic meets sequined chic). Saturday, Jan. 2.

“Velvet Underground Night” @ Whistle Stop Bar: DJ and scenester king Mario Orduno is turning his weekly gig in South Park into all things Lou Reed and Co. Expect obscure tracks, Nico bootlegs and screenings of Andy Warhol documentaries. Sunday, Jan. 3.

The Enrique Experience

Enkindled by “arch-nemesis” Sarah Palin’s book-signing tour, comedian Kathy Griffin arrived at Warwick’s in La Jolla and was greeted by more than 400 fans as part of a one-day, whirlwind jaunt that also saw her in L.A. and Orange counties pimping her warts-and-all opus, Official Book Club Selection. I caught up with her, and from Ambien sex to Levi Johnston’s, um, Johnston, we left no seedy stone unturned.

Enrique: You shot your last special, Balls of Steel, in San Diego, and now you’re back. Is it fair to say you have a love affair with the city?

Griffin: We’re dating now. San Diego is like L.A.’s smart, younger brother.

Talk to me about your new gig as a writer?

You mean as a New York Times No. 1 best seller?

Anything you wish you hadn’t put in there, like when you used a catheter after a botched lipo?

No. In fact, I actually had people tonight asking me to sign the heinous plastic-surgery photos specifically. Sometimes it’s good to be an inspiration in a disgusting way.

Three counties in one day—suck on that, Palin.

I knew I could outdo her. When I heard her pussy story about doing two cities a day on her private plane and then getting into her decorated bus, I thought, I’m getting a bus with Levi Johnston on the side now.

Do you think he’s well hung?

Oh, I know he is. 

Queer website AfterElton.com recently named you “honorary gay.” As a newly gay man, what are you into sexually?

I’m versatile. Now, I know a lot of people say that who aren’t, but I’m telling you, I can be a fun top or a sloppy pig bottom, and everything in between: felching, fisting, anything isting is fine with me.

You’ve tweeted that you had Ambien sex with Tiger. Was it good?

Lots of it. He probably doesn’t remember.

So he’s gay now, too?

Extremely. He’s just not ready to come out yet, so I would say he’s bi-curious.

You think your online petition to go on the Oprah show will work?

Yeah. I think she’s going to be very hard-up for me when she goes to her fake network, OWN. Because she’s obviously just trying to own all of us.

Any New Year’s resolutions?

More swearing, more negativity, more carbohydrates, more fisting and deviation.

And staying sexy?

I can’t help that one. Guilty! Take me away.