One word: Ugly

Take a great big convention center, mix in some sun and sound, add three very long days and plunk a gaggle of Democrats right down in it. I'm sure you know what that renders: really ugly shoes. I knew going into the place that a convention calls for sensible footwear, and I was rather certain that the Dems' version of sensibility would be ghastly. I was right.

There are plenty of things worth discussing about the convention. The speakers at the thing seemed intent upon discussing universal healthcare, education, clean energy and that unfortunate little messy-poo we've got ourselves over in Iraq. I think all of those things are important, but in order of priority, “Why can't you people sport some decent dogs?” comes first.

I mean, for crying out loud! You're trying to help a candidate capture the White House. Can't you equip your feet with something befitting the purpose? Must you drag yourself around in sports sandals and black socks? We know you're poor. You're Democrats. You don't have to go Prada, but topsiders ain't gonna win anything in '08.

Listen, I know you're partial to Barack or Hillary or whoever really touches you. Well, they're not telling you what you need to hear. They're telling you what you want to hear. What you need to hear is this: It's a major event, a three-day political all-star game; put on a proper pair of shoes! And while you're at it, go back home, pack up your entire stock of fugly footsies and ship them to the Green Party.

Honestly. Do you think the Republicans would come to something so momentous in Converse low-tops? Of course they wouldn't, and that's why they're in the White House and you're running around San Diego like the unprofessional, ineffective, disorderly mob of poorly attired rascals that you are. Comfort don't feed the bulldog, folks. You've been told.