When opening a utensil drawer, one doesn't usually think, That fork looks sexy. I should bring it into the bedroom and have some fun with it.
Well, Bill Freyer, co-owner of the North Park sex shop Pleasures & Treasures, says that kind of limited thinking can keep someone from exploring interesting new realms of sexual foreplay.
In fact, any household is full of items that can crank a regular knockin'-boots session up to a level usually reserved for steamy R&B music videos.
"I'm big on using things that people already have in their own home," says Freyer, who runs a regular workshop called "Sex on the Cheap." In it, he gives tips on stuff that can be found around the home or at the dollar store that can double as pleasure tools.
"Anything that you can think of pretty much can be used in the bedroom," he says. "It's a matter of going into your closet and thinking, 'How can I use that in the bedroom?'"
That fork, for instance, is perfect for sensation play.
"If you take a fork, and if you take the tines on the back, and just rake it across the thigh or breast, it creates a sensation," he explains. "Take that same fork and reverse it so the tines face down; it's going to be a little sharper, a little more intense. You don't have to put pressure on it, but it scratches a bit more. That is sensation play."
The forking-foreplay dynamic can be manipulated even further by placing it in a cup of ice or hot water. Switching the temperatures will add a different set of sensations that Freyer insists can be mind-blowing. The same activity can be done with a spoon or any other metal utensil.
Surprisingly, a cheese grater is another kitchen staple that can make its way into the bone zone.
"This is a little but rougher, but it works as well," Freyer assures. "You don't want to drag that against the skin because that can really hurt you, but if you drag it on the back side away from the sharp points, you can scratch up a little bit, but it's not going to tear up the skin. So youíre going to get that Oh, wow feeling."
When filing down fingernails, it might be a good idea to move that emery board up to the chest.
Freyer says the gritty sensation of the board is great on nipples.
"Every woman has an emery board. If you take that and just gently rub it across the nipple, you're not going to totally sand it down, but that abrasiveness just on the tip of the nipple totally brings the blood flow up," he says.
To avoid any awkward moments of intensity overkill, Freyer suggests testing an individual's pain threshold by pinching the skin in varying degrees of intensity.
Speaking of pain, since 50 Shades of Grey hit bookshelves around the world, horny housewives have become increasingly curious about BDSM. However, spanking during sex ain't anything new. While some folks invest in designer paddles, Freyer suggests using a wooden spoon, spatula or rubber flip-flop for bottom smacking.
Scarves can also serve as handcuffs and blindfolds and are much less threatening than rope. Freyer also suggests saran wrap for easy and inexpensive DIY bondage experimentation.
"You can actually roll out a 2-foot section and fold it into three pieces and just wrap it around somebody's wrist. You can put it around the ankles also," he says. "They're not going to get out of it because saran wrap is pretty damn strong."
To paraphrase R. Kelly, there's nothing wrong with a little bump and grind. If taking an old flip-flop to the butt makes it even better, then smack away.
Write to email@example.com. You can also bug her on Twitter.