Labor Day raging

Soak up the sun this Labor Day
- Photo by Alex Zaragoza

When Labor Day rolls around, hardworking Americans rest during a long weekend by soaking their bodies in alcohol and chlorinated water. Goodbye, summer. Goodbye, any desire to function properly as a mature human being for the next three days. Luckily, in San Diego summer never really ends. Girls just throw tights on under their too-short shorts. But you’ll still have to return to work on Tuesday and act like you didn’t wake up in your neighbor’s dog house.

Start the long weekend off with the SoCal Music Festival happening all day Saturday in East Village. While you have the day off, acts like Cold War Kids, Too $hort, Hyena and The New Kinetics will be working their balls off to show you a good time. Show them you appreciate it by dancing. Plus, you just spent $40 on your ticket. Why be a sourpuss?

Speaking of hardworking, Scott Disick, who plays Kourtney Kardashian’s shitty baby-daddy on the “reality” show Keeping Up with the Kardashians, will host a party at Pussycat Dolls Dollhouse in the Keating Hotel (432 F St., Downtown). Disick, who dresses like Patrick Bateman and once shoved a $100 bill in a waiter’s mouth, will host the new nightclub’s Labor Day rager on Saturday, Sept. 1. That’s right. They’re giving him thousands of dollars to get drunk and yell things into a microphone as you drink expensive cocktails and watch.

Any place with a pool will be throwing a party, including the Lafayette Hotel and Swim Club (2223 El Cajon Blvd. in North Park). Junior the Disco Punk will team up with Beat Panther to bring the noise and the funk as you wade in the cool water and sip cocktails on Monday, Sept. 3. If you don’t feel like having hipsters dissect your pool attire with their laser stare, you can go to Fortune’s Pool Party on Sunday at the Andaz  Hotel (600 F St., Downtown) and have your body fat and tan level inspected by blonde babes instead. It might be time to do a sit-up.